and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
