The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
