She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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