Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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