Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
