The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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