hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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