the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize