Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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