Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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