Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
