My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
In America we eat man semen.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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