I'm drive I can fine osifer
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
