just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
