i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
