You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
