i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Every concussion has its silver lining
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
