oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
