i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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