my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
