Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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