In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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