She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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