Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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