just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
