I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Are we still banned from the library?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
