I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
