Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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