Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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