no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
