just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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