She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize