Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize