I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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