Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
