please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
