onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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