I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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