I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
