I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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