I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
