she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
