Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize