'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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