I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
