so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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