So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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