I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
