sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
