It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
