what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
