i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
