bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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