I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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