is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize