Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
