How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
