If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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