You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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