You can't motorboat a personality
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize