final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
only if we run a train.
done.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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