he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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