so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
