my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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