I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
