Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
