he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
