I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
